


There Was A Rock

by deans_pen_cap



Category: not a fandom
Genre: Drownings, House Fires, Other, Romance?, Sass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:28:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26458711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deans_pen_cap/pseuds/deans_pen_cap
Summary: In the world, there was a rock, fire, water, and wind. There were many others, but these are the main characters. This story is honestly so stupid, maybe even considered 'crack'. Anyways just uh, have fun reading it? I don't know how to describe it other than me writing complete bullshit and having fun. Lots of murder and violence but also romance, so if you're into that kind of thing you're in luck! Prepare to read something you'll wish you could unread :)
Relationships: Fire/Water - Relationship, Rock/Wind





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is *heavy sigh* something I wrote that I never thought would see the light of day. It was to discourage my writers block and remind me why I love writing (because its fun), and then I got the bright idea to post it because reading back on it, it's kind of hilarious. I can't get through it without laughing until tears come out, so hopefully it'll be a similar comic relief for you. This is definitely not a story to be taken seriously, I literally wrote it with the intention to make it as stupid as possible.

There was a rock. It wasn’t anything special. It moved from time to time, being picked up or chucked. The rock had seen many things, despite not being conscious. It had lived many lives; as a murderer, a lover, and even a priest. Not all at once, though sometimes they would overlap.

The wind was cool, slapping people in the face as it pleased. They would hiss and try to cover up with scarves, but nothing could stop the wind. It howled loudly, mocking the many victims. It would steal money, important letters, and sometimes children. The wind had crossed paths with the rock many times, though the rock was an unmovable force. No matter how hard the wind tried to nip it, or slap it, or even push it, nothing worked. This annoyed the wind greatly.

There was fire, burning houses, people, and warming up cold souls. It was young and wild, went wherever it wanted, but always found its way back to a home in a fireplace or a stove. The fire was very greedy, eating everything in its path. People would scream at it and through milk. The milk didn’t like that. Neither did the fire, for it was lactose intolerant. Huge smoke clouds were the result.

The water was free and fierce. It spent most of its time grinding down annoying rocks to stones. However, the stones retaliated and became slippery and unmanageable. The water was quiet, but also loud. It could roar louder than Godzilla, and do trice the damage in floods. Mostly, it would keep its distance, but it was an addict. Addicted to drowning people, that is. It would gurgle and sway with glee. This made the wind worried. The rock didn’t care, as long as it stayed away from it. And the fire would look at the water in admiration.

For the fire was still young and raged on, yet the water was salty and didn’t give a fuck. Some would frown when they saw this – the fire gushing over the water – because they were jealous. Some people loved the fire, a little too much. These people were called pyrophiliac’s, or idiots. They would dance naked around huge raging fires, have orgies, and even try to have sex with the fire; causing major burns, both physically and metaphorically.

The fire would feel embarrassed whenever the water was around for these ‘parties’. It tried to hide them, or brush them off, even though it secretly liked them. But it liked the water more. The fire wouldn’t admit it, but it was in love with the water. They could never be together without dying, and neither would do that for love. That would be stupid. Looking at you, Romeo and Juliet, and Jack and Rose.

The rock was in a new life now, as a nun. Previously it had been a priest, but it got demoted for murdering too many children. The pope told the rock to chill, and made the rock a nun instead. The rock was sad, but didn’t mind too much. Being a priest was a hard job.

**WIND** : _Hi_ , The wind spurred.

The rock looked up, in spite of the universe and everything.

**ROCK** : _Who speaks? Is it you God? Don’t mind the uh – raspberry jam on my robes. Yes, raspberry jam._

It was not God speaking. And that was not raspberry jam.

**WIND** : _I am the wind. Do you not recognize me?_

**ROCK** : _Oh, it’s just you._

**WIND** : _Just me? Don’t sound so disappointed to see me._

**ROCK** : _I’m not. But it_ is just you _right? That’s what people say._

**WIND** : _Whatever. So how’s you’re new job, as_ just _a nun?_

**ROCK** : _Are you okay? You seem annoyed._

**WIND** : _I’m just fine!_

**ROCK** : Just _fi-_

**WIND** : _Oh shut up already! You’re so annoying, you know? Gosh._

The rock didn’t say anything. It just stood there on the ground, in it’s dark robes stained with something, but definitely not raspberry jam. The wind ran a non-existent hand through its non-existent hair. Today, the wind had come to speak to the rock. It would finally talk about it’s feelings. The annoyance it felt towards the rock eventually turned into attraction. That frustrated the wind, because it still felt the annoyance, but the annoyance was cute.

The rock was hurt by those words. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was someone else who said it. Although it was some of the children’s last words. Not the ones he murdered, ah ha, no the rock didn’t just do that recently. Nope.

A couple tears fell from the rock. It hadn’t meant to, but it couldn’t help it. The rock thought the wind was its friend, even though the wind tried to murder the rock occasionally. The witty banter back and forth was oddly comforting, but not today. The rock had had enough.

**ROCK** : _Fine. Just go then! Leave me alone, you don’t even care about me._

The wind opened its non-existent mouth in a slight gasp. This surprised the wind. It didn’t think that the rock would break so easily, being hard headed and all. In all the time the wind had known the rock, it was never one to give up.

**WIND** : _No. I will not_ just _go._

**ROCK** : _Why? Why must you hurt me? What have I done to you?_

**WIND** : _Nothing. And everything. The reason why I’m so frustrated all the time with you is because-_

**WORM** : _Hey guys, what’s up? Long-time no see, amiright._

Both the wind and the rock sighed heavily. They did not like the worm. No one liked the worm.

**WORM** : _You see the game last night? That was unexpected, I mean two deaths instead of twelve? Total power move. Times are changing._

**ROCK** : _Hi worm._ The rock sounded uninterested.

**WIND** : _Is that a falcon? Oh damn it is._

**WORM** : _Oh shit where?_

**WIND** : _Its swooping down!_

**WORM** : _AHHH!_

The worm ran out of there. There was no falcon. The rock punched the wind in its non-existent shoulder, with its non-existent fist.

**ROCK** : _Why’d you do that?_

**WIND** : _Oh come on, you didn’t want to talk to worm did you?_

**ROCK** : _No, but just because I would like to brutally murder worm and then chuck worm into a volcano and then seal it shut, doesn’t mean it’s okay to do that._

**ROCK** : _What were you saying? Before worm came over?_

**WIND** : _Oh uh, it doesn’t matter._

**ROCK** : _You sure?_

**WIND** : _I was just gonna say how much of a nuisance you are._

**ROCK** : _Oh, okay. See you later then I guess._

**WIND** : _Yeah. Whatever._

The wind left. The rock went to find somewhere to wash its robes. And to find some clean ones to wear while it washed the stained ones.

The wind swashed about, slapping people in the face, stealing money, the usual. But it felt different now. It felt empty. The activities that usually gave the wind joy and satisfaction felt meaningless and boring. Boredom was not something the wind felt often, but when it did it was unbearable. It didn’t know why it felt like this. Perhaps it was because it didn’t get to say to the rock what it wanted to. But it was too late now. Maybe later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of what was written originally. Everything after this will be written from now, and might not be as good (not that this is any good). So don't have your expectations too high, cause I will disappoint you. That's the one thing you can expect, actually.

On another side of town, the water was washing windows instead of drowning people. The fire watched from a nearby candle. Its flame flicked in delight, seeing the water move. The water knew the fire was there, and didn’t mind. It thought the fire was cute, always trying to impress it.

**WATER** : _Are you gonna stand there all day, or are you gonna say something?_

**FIRE** : _I didn’t know you could see me. This is embarrassing._

The flame got smaller, as the fire tried to hide in shame.

**WATER** : _Well?_

**FIRE** : _Hey, I’m fire._

**WATER** : _Yeah._ It giggled. _I’ve seen you before. But you never talk to me._

The fire smiled sheepishly with its non-existent mouth.

**FIRE** : _I don’t know what to say. I like your, uh – I just think you’re neat._

**WATER** : _I think you’re neat, also._

**FIRE** : _Great. We’re both neat. Cool._

**WATER** : _Are you busy, later?_

This question made the fire grow with confidence. The tiny flame became a fire hazard. An old man sitting at the table the candle was light, had his hair burn off. He patted his head to save some of it, but none was left. Only a few burn marks where the flames had kissed.

**FIRE** : _No, not at all. I mean, I do stuff, but if you wanted to do something – with me – then uh no._

**WATER** : _We should hang out later. I know this really cool spot—you can see the whole town from there._

**FIRE** : _Yeah, sounds good. It’s a date. Not like a date date, y’know a date as in a date in time that we’ll meet up. I should go._

And with that, the fire flickered out and travelled elsewhere, too embarrassed to stay much longer. It was, however, excited about the plans they had made and felt accomplished. But then boredom loomed over the fire, as it waited and waited, minutes passing and not knowing what to do until it met up with the water. The fire decided to find the rock to kill time. Not literally, that would cause a huge conundrum in the universe. Time was a pleasant fellow, anyone wanting to kill them was a fool, and about to get murdered by Death.

The fire burned house to house, still having no luck in finding the rock.

**FIRE** : _Rock? Where are you?_ The fire called from a burning building over the sounds of children screaming.

It decided it needed to think like a rock in order to find the rock. So instead of being big and burning houses, it jumped down to a twig. From the small perspective, the fire groaned in disdain. _This was horrible!_ It thought. The fire was an egotistical bastard, loving being big and roaring and powerful.

**FIRE** : _There you are, Rock! Come o’er here!_

**ROCK** : _What? Oh no—Hey fire, uh what brings you here?_

The fire glanced strangely at the rock’s actions. The rock was holding a red soaked robe over a bucket of water, attempting to scrub the substance off. It just spread the colour more than get rid of it.

**FIRE** : _Is that blood?_

**ROCK** : _Wha—no! Blood? Ha, why would you think that? This is clearly, uh, clearly it’s a juice stain._

The fire highly doubted that flimsy excuse, but didn’t bother to question the rock further. It was obviously blood. And the fire obviously didn’t care. Instead the fire went on to talk about the water, how lovely it was, and how they were going to go out tonight.

**ROCK** : _And why are you telling me this? I mean—wow! That’s so great for you guys!_

The fire rolled their nonexistent eyes. The rock was barely paying attention, more interested in getting the blood stain out of the robes. Along with the worried glances around them, to make sure no one else could get a good look at the robes with blood on them.

**FIRE** : _Fuck off, I’ll go find wind. Maybe they’ll be a better friend than you._

**ROCK** : _I doubt that. The wind is in a bad mood._

**FIRE** : _Oh? What happened? What’d you do?_

The rock scoffed. It was offended by the implication that the wind was in a bad mood because of them.

**ROCK** : _Nothing. Why would you think I’m the reason they’re in a bad mood? Go find them, whatever. I don’t care._

The fire watched the rock for a moment more before flickering away yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading this, congrats. And thank you. Prepare for even more nonsense and crack writing, and a smidge of romance. Noice!


End file.
